What a... charming day.

Thu, 07 Feb 2002 19:45:34 GMT

How very February. It's dark and rainy. I suppose I should feel thoughtful and introspective, but it's just not happening.

I can't wait for summer.

My First Entry

Wed, 06 Feb 2002 15:47:17 GMT

So, this is my online journal. I suppose I should say something cheesy and pretentious like, "Welcome to my life."

Eh... I'm over that. I'm just here to think out loud and put some ideas out for public consumption. Soapbox time.

I'm unemployed again. Big surprise there. I think too much and I ask too many questions. Bosses hate that. I have little patience for tedious busywork. Sadly, most things that people are willing to pay me to do at this point in my career are only tedious busywork. Yeah, yeah, yeah.... you have to start out at the bottom. Thanks for the news flash, Dad.

My biggest problem is that I have a very deep internal conflict between the side of me that wants to get out of debt and live comfortably and the side of me that's horrified at the idea of spending my entire life doing something meaningless. I hate arguing with myself. I feel like a schitzophrenic or something.

I mean, I'd like to enjoy some of the finer things in life while I'm on this earth. Money certainly doesn't buy happiness, but poverty gives me hives. On the other side of the coin, I feel like I need to accomplish something good with my life. I don't want to be an uncaring little corporate drone who takes more than he gives. I don't want to leave this world with a huge net worth but still be in karmic debt.

Sadly, all of this is probably a moot point. I'll probably just goof off for a while and use this as an unpaid vacation for a couple weeks. Which isn't really a bad idea, because even the most vigorous job search will probably be pretty futile in this environment. Eventually, I'll face the music and end up stuck in another horrid dead-end job that barely covers the bills, moving me ever further away from both financial independence and inner peace.

Ah, the joys of being overeducated. Sometimes, I ponder the idea of what it would have been like to miss out on the past 10 years, and just have gone from high school to a job as a bricklayer, complete with mobile home, rusty old truck and wife with dental problems. I don't think I'd be any happier with that life, but the nice part is that I wouldn't know any better. Knowledge is a drug for the soul. A little bit is too much, but no matter how much you, you never have enough.

Montezuma Goldstein

What a... charming day.

My First Entry